Couldn't Live Without You
by The Hopeless Wanderlust
Summary: ...I have two choices: either to let her hate me or to love me. The next move would determine if my eight years effort for her in hating me would put to waste or not... The next ONE move would say it all. Massive Romance. One Shot. 9# GA


Summary: **AU.** I'm a guy living in the realm of despair. I love a girl whom I know I don't deserve. I've used up all my will power for 8 years to make her hate me to hell, but today, with _just _one move, it all goes to waste. Natsume's POV NO LEMON!

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**For Helen cute18386! Massive Romance, **_**probably major OOC too**_**, but No LEMON but a little 'Fluff'! **

**Ps. I do not own Gakuen Alice. But, Ruka belongs to me and me alone. Back off fans! :P**

**Pss. I'm getting random forum alerts. What the hell is going on out there? **_**I'll tell you readers about it later.**_

**For now, ENJOY READING MINNA! **

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One-shot – **AU** - One-shot – **AU** - One-shot – **AU** - One-shot – **AU** - One-shot – **AU** - One-shot

Natsume X Mikan ◊ Ruka X Hotaru

Natsume's POV

Couldn't Live Without You

Written By Sarah Patrick

It was just like other days, I was bored to death. The warm golden sun shone brightly through the long white windows of the sky-blue painted classroom, casting long shadows on the grey floor. Tiny dust waltzed lazily under the bright streams. Once a while, the wind blew soothingly into the classroom, bringing delightful news of sweet flowers that had long bloomed all over Alice Academy.

I took my latest favorite manga off my face and almost slamming it on my long desk. I stretched in my seat, trying to lose the pain and boredom that stubbornly stuck in between my joints. I exhaled deeply as I laid both of my legs up on the desk again, my right on the left. I stuffed my fists into my pockets of my brown checkered pants during the process.

"Bored as usual, Natsume?" I heard a husky voice chuckled. I swiveled and saw a handsome blond staring at me in amusement, his arm on the table and his hand cupped his chin. His cool azure eyes glinted under the many rivulets.

"Hmm," I nodded lazily. I shifted my gaze to the breathtaking view outside the window. The garden was filled with flowers of the summers; butterflies and bees danced with grace amongst them. I wanted to go out and spend my time under my favorite Sakura Tree, showered by the soft gentle pink petals… but…

"Natsume?" the blond piped up. I turned to look at him again, prompting him to speak with a questioning nod. He placed his head on the table and stared at me with pure interest.

"If I've known you better…" he began as a smirk came upon his lips. I think his stupid girlfriend; Imai Hotaru had taken my innocent best friend away from me. This can't be the same Nogi Ruka I've known all this years. The guy has become too carefree and more daredevil-like. He too had a new obsession, a hobby, which he shared dearly with his annoying beloved girlfriend: freelance photography. Unlike Imai, he loved taking animals.

"…I think you would be out there under that tree rather than stuck you _arse_ here in the class, tell me now, why are you still here? Is there anything that made you stay here?" he cast me a knowing look. I could only suppress a frown and rolled my eyes on him.

"What are you talking about, Ruka. I don't understand you," I stated casually.

He choked on his saliva upon my answer as he sat up straight again. Imai suddenly swiveled as she stared expressionlessly at her boyfriend who smiled at her. I knew that she was secretly worried about him when she heard him cough. Ruka gave another reassuring wink at her which made her head darted to look at the board again. I think I saw her blushing slightly. I could only shake my head in disgust. Ruka had changed a lot; from a bashful timid boy to a romantic naughty one-woman-man he is now. At least, he's happy to be with the girl he loved, spending time taking stupid pictures. It wasn't long before Ruka started to bother me again. He leaned nearer toward me and nudged on my elbow.

"Oh, come on. Don't fart around and be such a sober. You think I don't know anything, Natsume?" he grinned widely as he laid his arm on the table again with his chin on his hand. I rasped my throat.

"Seriously Ruka, don't test my patience," I snapped at him. "I don't know what you are talking about," _That_ was a defiant lie. I knew _exactly _what he meant. I rubbed my face with my hand in chagrin.

'_Damn it, was I really that obvious?'_

"Hyuuga Na-tsu-me-_kun_," Ruka mocked me with a tone he tried to mimic, but with that husky deep voice he had, he failed to imitate the seventeen year old golden-brown haired girl.

He then burst to silent laughter, "You think I don't know, Natsume?" he whispered as he stared at the back of the mentioned girl. "The way you stare at her, the way you act whenever she's around you… you're getting too soft, Natsume. Too soft! Sometimes I think I don't know you anymore," he chuckled and punched my arm lightly. I threw him a nasty glare. He gulped and moved away from me a little.

Not for long, the last bell rang. My mood lifted, clouds of contentment filled up my chest. I had always liked it when the school hours ended …especially today, for only one good reason.

"Hyuuga Na-tsu-me-_kun_," chimed a honeyed voice as the pretty brunette skipped toward my seat. I was facing the blackboard as usual. When she approached me, I couldn't help it but to peek at her a little from the corner of my eye. Her soft auburn hair which she laid loose over her shoulder bounced as she skipped toward me, the smile she cast upon her lips made my heart pumping hysterically in my chest, her dazzling hazel eyes fixed on me causing the blood in my vain came rushing up to my cheek. When she stood beside me, I pretended not to take notice of her presence. That damned Ruka snorted gleefully.

"Hey Sakura-chan," he greeted her with an amused grin. Ruka eyed me—to annoy the hell out of me after that.

"Pyon Pyon, just call me Mikan, you're like a brother to me you know," Mikan corrected him. Ruka laughed nervously as a small blush tinged his cheek.

"Mikan," he muttered shyly, scratching his head.

"Ho-ta-ru-chan!" she gushed when Imai came, who laid her hand on Ruka's shoulder. Ruka startled and looked up at her sideways. He took her hand and kissed her finger lightly.

"Hotaru," he mumbled softly.

"Rule number 15, Ruka," she snapped as she sent a fist on his head.

"Ouch, that hurt Hotaru," he whimpered, pouting slightly. "But we are not in public, there are only four of us in here," he whined.

"Classes are public places." She stated impassively. "…and you are spoiling my reputation, be manly Ruka. I don't like soft whiny guys," She turned on her heels and began to walk away. "Bye."

Ruka choked on his saliva. Not to forget that even I too was coughing out loud. Knowing what Ruka was made off now, when I said he had had changed to a 'Romantic Dare-devil/naughty one-woman man', I seriously meant it. He was like that every time that girl was around him, but then changed back to a bashful social guy when she was not around or when they were in the crowd. I glanced away when I saw Ruka smirked darkly, accidentally laid my eyes on the one girl I love. Mikan stared at Hotaru, her eyes buzzing with curiosity and confusion. She was dense, though being top student in school doesn't really click with her innocent, dense-like personality.

"Hn, _manly_ you say?" I heard Ruka muttered quietly causing Imai to root on the ground suddenly. She was about to turn to look at him when Ruka suddenly appeared beside her and twined his fingers with hers. He lowered his head, pulled her back in his chest, wrapped one arm around her waist, and muttered quietly into her ears, which I _think_ he said "I'll show you how _manly_ I can get sweetheart."

_That_—I must say, sent shivers to my spine. Like I had said before, where have that Imai stolen the very Nogi Ruka I once knew before? That couldn't be the same guy. Impossible!

"Okay guys, got to go. Tell me if Natsume being a jerk, Mikan. I'll kill him for you," bid Ruka cheerfully. An enormous grin was plastered on his face and he _freakin' _winked at me. "You on the other hand," he added as he pointed at me, "Do your best!" I froze. That Ruka was done for.

Before I could even throw my manga toward him, he quickly slid the door close before him, dragging Imai along who was still in trance, or traumatize from what Ruka had said to her earlier. Her face was still emotionless as usual, but it was her movement that gave her away. She wasn't as graceful as always, just now, she was stiff like a robot. I bet she was wondering where Ruka wanted to bring her to. I don't want to give a damn either.

"I thought you said that you are going to accompany me to the Central Town," Mikan confirmed in exasperation, startling me. My crimsons met her eyes, drowning me into those beautiful hazels. She was leaning forward, her two hands on the table in front of me. She stared at me in disapproval. If it wasn't for the irritation that was burning in her eyes, I would have said that she was being seductive.

"You've promised me, Natsume. Why did Pyon Pyon said 'Do your best' to you? Are you trying to get rid of me like you always do?" I felt uneasiness squirming in the pit of my stomach. I pursed my lips and ignored her probing stare.

As much as I loved her, I did try to get rid of her—for eight donkey's year. I wanted her to hate me for not keeping my word, loath me for being so cold, but yet here she was, standing in front of me with friendship she bonded me with. I looked away; the little crack on the end of the rosewood table seems interesting to look at.

"If you know that, why don't you go back to your room? We're - not - going," I retort.

I was somewhat waiting for her to slap me, shout at me and then goes off running to her room, crying. I must say that I do deserve to get that slap though. I had broken the promises we made, way too often. I had to do it. I wanted her hate me. I don't want her to be affected by the darkness that strolling in my world.

I never went through a normal childhood life. Just because my dad was a top well-known agent of a famous organization, I was trained since little to become one after my dad passed away when I was five. I was taught to kill, to fight, and to hunt without fear and emotion. Those trainings made the shining sun died away in my life, turning my life like a blizzard raging into the darkest night. I was cold, unpredictable and emotionless. Even a tear from a baby of a mother whom I was about to kill would never move me. I would do things as what I was told. That's that, and nothing else matters.

Well, not until I met her of course… Maybe, upon meeting her, Ruka changed too because I've changed. He did say that he would always follow me, always to care about me. He doesn't want me to feel abandoned by him. Ruka is like a brother to me. But then, I had always asked myself a question which I'm not sure of.

'_Why did I choose to change?'_

"I don't care, we're going Natsume. I don't care if you like it or not! You've promised," Mikan growled, snapping me out of my thoughts. I tried to give her a sharp glare, but I began to waver as soon as I gave her one. She was so close that our nose almost touched to each other. She was pouting cutely, sending my hormones up to grab her in my hands and kissed her with all my will. But, I held myself back. I mustn't do that. She must hate me. She must!

"Let's go," she said again, pulling my arm.

I stood up right, only to stand, and not to move elsewhere. Mikan, who was trying her hardest to peel my foot off the ground, hadn't given up pestering me to go out to the Central Town with her. Not that she had a choice on that matter. She's my partner, and I'm the only person allowed to accompany her there under the strict rule which Jinno-sensei, Disciplinary Teacher applied on her. She was a troublemaker in his eyes, but a sweetheart to others. She had never been his favorite student, because Mikan had never scored 100 percent in his subject when she did for others.

"Na – tsu - me!" she whimpered, saying my name with every syllable which I like when she did as she gave another tug on my arm. I couldn't help it but to smile a little. She was short, a good ten inches shorter than me and she can't see my half-smile was coming. Her frame was tiny, so fragile looking that I couldn't help it but to feel scared to be around her sometimes, in case if I broke her by mistake. She failed on the attempt and she frowned at me, pouting again. She was so adorable and gorgeous. I began to waver again. That triggered my strength button to switch off in an instant.

"Move it, dirtbag," she growled as she gave a final pull on my arm, causing me, who was already weak on my knees, to fall on her. She screamed a piercing scream. I swear that my ear drums would explode to bleed anytime soon. I got to admit that the fall was painful. I scratched my knees and knocked my head hard on hers.

"Ouch!" we whimpered in pain simultaneously. I can't blame her though; my whole body weight was crashing her to the floor. Wait, WHAT?!

"Ohmygod, Mikan! Are you alright?!" I asked her with terror as I quickly balanced myself on my two hands and knees. I went panicked to hell. _'I broke her. She's broken. It's all my fault. Oh no. She's broken.'_

She groaned a little as she rubbed on her temple. My head too was spinning in agony.

"Na-Natsume… my head hurts," she pouted, her eyes still shut tight. Before I knew it, my panic-breathing slowed down. I stared at her, captivated by the spell she unconsciously cast on me.

Little sparkly tears began to form on her eyes, but it didn't roll down to her cheek. Those tears clung delicately at the end of her dazzling eyes. Her soft auburn hair, long and silky, spread appealingly behind her head. The stream of lights that rained on us caused her beautiful flawless skin to glow under it.

I tucked a little strand of hair to the back of her ear in tender. I felt her body stiffened and her eyes staring at me in pure shock. I laid two fingers on her gentle cheek; caress her soft cheek gently down to her chin. My eyes gentled upon the sight of her alluring cherry lips, I could feel my heart throbbing madly in my chest. I slowly traced her outline of her lips with my thumb, cherishing her softness and warmth under my gentle touch.

"N-N-Natsume?" Mikan stammered in alarm. I was thrown back into reality, I gasped as I realized how close my lips were to her owns. I could feel our breaths were mixing with each other on our faces. We blinked for a moment, trying hard to forget what had just happened between us.

Without saying another word, I swiftly stood up on my feet again with my back facing her. I closed my eyes in frustration. _'Did I really…?'_ I sighed silently, hating my guts for almost kissing her. I hate myself. Damn!

"I was just teasing you, don't take it seriously, stupid, you're not my type either," I snapped at her, my tone was sharp. My voice may have no mercy for her, but my heart shattered into million pieces when I said it. I heard her gasped quietly. _'She must hate me, she must hate me,'_ I badly wanted her to show her hatred on me—even just a scream, I would feel relief, but as much as I wish for that to happen, I secretly wanted her to love me.

Nothing came. I began to wonder if she was still in the classroom. I hope she ran away to her room. I hope she hated me so much that she would request not to see my face anymore. I had tried so hard for eight chronic years to make her hate me, but it seemed that nothing would make her feel that toward me. I want her to hate me so much under god's will, but my heart screamed for the opposite.

'_You've changed, Natsume,'_ –Ruka

Ruka voice echoed in my ears. I clenched my jaw, asking myself over and over again, why on Earth would I do that?

'_You think I don't know anything, Natsume?'_–Ruka

Upon that, I froze. I finally understood why I decided to change in chagrin. I was desperate to change myself, I know that, but at that time, I wasn't sure why although I knew that I loved her. I lied to myself in making her to hate me, let her loath me to hell and everything, but in reality, I change myself during the process because of one reason. Maybe that's why she couldn't hate me just yet. Maybe she saw that I was changing. Oh god.

"_Hyuuga Na-tsu-me-_kun," –Mikan

I had always loved that voice. I loved to hear her cheerful voice float into my ear. I knew at once that I would want to be a part of her life. It was so easy to feel hope when I was given one, especially by her. I had tried to stay in this dark life, clinging to it dearly, but when she appeared into my life, my decision had never been as straight and confident as before. I wanted to fit in… somehow and somewhere, into that beautiful heaven life of hers, where she would always radiate her cheery and vibrant mood to others like a shining sun. I wonder if she really did notice me in her life.

"D-Do you really hate me that much, N-Natsume?"

My eyes dilated in shock. I swiveled to face the figure behind me. I was surprised to know that she was still here after what I had said to her.

"Huh?" I stuttered, almost whispered.

She held her head up and looked me in the eyes. Her probing tearful eyes were searching for something to be revealed before my face. She looked so sad; misery and hurt written on her beautiful face. It was so heart wrenching. If I wanted to, I would love to hold her tightly to comfort her and whisper my apologies into her ears without stopping as my breath could say. But I…

"You heard me Natsume." Her voice was drenched in despair.

I knew this would be my one and only chance… either to make her hate me forever or to love me. The atmosphere thickened around us. I could barely breathe. I tore away from her probing gaze, let alone my own dejection to soak me whole.

"I…," _'do.' _I wish I could say that so easily but that last word stuck in my throat. _'I hate you. I hate you so much.'_ I closed my eyes in frustration. I hated myself. I knew I had to stay away from her. It was for her own good. She mustn't see the realm of darkness which ruled my life. A murderer like me doesn't deserve an angel like her.

"I…," I couldn't say it. The more I think about it, I felt like breaking down, I would want to tell her that I loved her so much, and whisper into her ear that she was everything that I could wish for.

Before I could say anything, she threw herself on me. I was shocked. Her arms wrapped around my nape tightly, her face buried into my chest. I fell backwards due to the force, but luckily there was a table behind me. I laid a hand on the table to stabilized myself and my another arm wrapped on her back to prevent her from slipping away. I didn't know what to do, and my heart which was racing chaotically, wasn't helping me thinking. I know I could always push her away and tell her off. I could always hurt her and say how much I hated her. But I…

I was curious. I wanted to know and feel how she would feel like whenever she was in my arms. But I was afraid 'if curiosity could kill a cat.'

I hesitated. I rubbed my hand which was on the rosewood table, thinking critically if I should or should not hug her. Slowly, I lifted my hand and almost laid one arm around her waist. I didn't touch her body yet, but barely. My heart was beating with anticipation. My breathing got faster and harder. I was nervous. I traced the outline of her white summer uniform blouse before I snaked my arm on her back.

I heard her moaned in silent and shivered in my arms. I got carried away as I held her tighter, one hand circling her back. Our bodies were rubbing fervently against each other. Before I knew it, it became a passionate hug as her lips brushed against my neck, as though she wanted it to last longer. It felt so good to embrace her like this. I kissed her hair, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo. I got excited and wanted more, but then, I remembered in chagrin that I had gone too far.

I stopped immediately, gasping in alarm. I too felt Mikan froze in my arms. I bet she just realized on what we were doing too. Her face glowed red. She backed away, avoiding my gaze.

"I-I…" she began, but she didn't bother to complete her sentence and began to run. I had two choices: either to let her hate me or to love me. The next move would determine if my eight years effort for her in hating me would put to waste or not.

I took her by the wrist and pulled her to look at me. Her eyes widened as she met my eyes. I had decided. This was what I wanted. I knew because I believed in it. I ran my hand to the back of her head and brushed my lips against her sensitive ear lobe.

"Mikan," I whispered and I held her in an embrace. I cupped her chin and I slanted my head a little before I began to press my lips on hers, giving her a gentle kiss. She sighed a little. Her sweet breath charmed me as I rubbed her back tenderly, prompting her to kiss me back. I bit her lips and she moaned in pleasure. She began to respond on my kiss and it began to become a wet kiss.

All those frustration I had for all these years just channeled into that kiss, as our tongue violently fought with each other. I felt so good to kiss her. It felt so right to hold her.

"Natsu – me," I heard she moaned between our kisses. She was out of breath. So was I. I didn't want to lose her just yet, but I started to kiss her cheek and then to her neck.

"Mi - kan," I breathed out. I kissed her lips again, pinning her against the wall.

I just knew it. I couldn't say what I should say. I couldn't do what I should do. Everything that I tried so hard, with so much effort… I knew from the beginning that it would be wasted.

'_Why'_ you asked me? I think I should answer the question she asked me earlier (_D-Do you really hate me that much, N-Natsume?_). I did leave it hanging with only the 'I…' Thank god I didn't say that I did hate her. It would be difficult for me.

I broke the kiss and stared at her. Her eyes were burning with the emotion which I longed to see in it. I knew she could see the same in mine too.

_I…_

"…Couldn't live without you,"

End of Story

Natsume X Mikan ◊ Ruka X Hotaru

One-shot – **AU** - One-shot – **AU** - One-shot – **AU** - One-shot – **AU** - One-shot – **AU** - One-shot

**Oh god, actually this scene should appear in 'My FOE is My FIANCÉ?!' But, I just couldn't help it to write it out. Hope you enjoyed that… um, romantic **_**almost rated **_**story? I did this story in a rush. Sorry if you feel something missing. REVIEW PLEASE!**

**OKAY! About the Forum alert I was telling earlier, ****READER'S CHOICE AWARD 2007 & 2008 is finally here!**** Ms President My Hopeless Romantic along with her two little staffs; Caritate and Me, are hoping for your response in the nomination for your favorite stories according to categories given. The link is in my profile!**

**Thanks. I'm updating 'WHAT?! NO boyfriend, NO Party?' next.**

**--Sarah Patrick**

**Proofread by THW 19/02/10.**


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